I'm Trying To Decide If I Ought To Be Annoyed

What you're looking at here is the tip of an ordinary ball point pen. It's pointing at a little white object about the size of the metal tip on the end of the pen. That object is a jagged chip of bone (or tooth, or porcelain filling; it's not clear and doesn't really matter) left behind by my oral surgeon when he took my problematic molar out in November. Since then, it's been sort of working it's way up to and out through the surface of my gum. It finally came out just now.

Breaking News: Tiger Woods To Announce "Freeze" In Certain Categories Of Skank Acquisition

Legendary skank-collecter Tiger Woods today announced that he would acquire no more skeezy mistresses in fiscal years 2011-2014.  The golfing adulterer went on to clarify his plan, specifying that all skanks extant in his harem before FY11 will be retained.  In addition, he outlined a series of exemptions, explaining that his homewrecking slut portfolio currently has critical weaknesses in the "Vegas cocktail waitress" and "blond chick with huge fake jugs" segments.  Slut acquisitions in these sectors will continue unabated throughout the "freeze" period.  No reporter present for the announcement bothered to point out that these carve-outs encompass more or less the entirety of Woods' harem-building activities.

By The Way...

...the comments on this ESPN article are hilarious.  One dude says this:

I dont have any real interest in either teams here; however lets be real people. Would you rather live in Knoxville, TN or Los Angelos, CA??? Cold, no ocean, large hillbilly population, and moderately hot women VS. Warm sunshine, mountains & beach, poping city, and super hot women EVERWHERE......

Southern women are "moderately" hot? And skanky LA broads are "super" hot? Are you f**king kidding me?  And for the record, I would much prefer to live in Knoxville.  The very thought of living in Los Angeles make me want to punch a kitten.

This one takes, the cake, though:

Isnt southern culture an oximoron. Look it up SEC grads

Being an SEC grad, I did indeed look it up.  Tragically, there's no entry for "oximoron" in my dictionary.  I must have the "hilbilie" (note: actual spelling used by another South-basher) version...

Charmed Life

Lane Kiffin was a successful offensive coordinator at USC for all of two years.  Then he left USC to be head coach of the Oakland Raiders, where he was an abject failure, going 5-15 in a little over 1 year.  This failure somehow qualified him to be head coach at a storied college football program, so Tennessee canned the way-more-accomplished Phil Fulmer and hired Kiffin to replace him.  In one season with the Volunteers, Kiffin was again an abject failure: a 7-6 season that included losses to both of UT's main rivals (Florida and Alabama), blowout losses to Ole Miss and Virginia Tech, a near-miss to lowly Kentucky, and internal turmoil as both Kiffin and his players publicly misbehaved.  Naturally, this record of achievement qualifies him to be head coach at the even more storied college football program of USC.  What the Hell?

Is Harry Reid A Racist?

Of course he is. Look, Harry Reid is old.  70 years old, to be precise.  There is no such thing as a 70 year old man (of any race) who does not think in ways that are now classified as "racist." Some of these classifications are fair and others aren't, but that's neither here nor there: many racial taboos have come into being since Reid's 50th birthday, and there is simply no way he has internalized all of them. I'm sorry, but that's just how it is, and there's no use pretending otherwise.

And don't think you're getting off the hook, Boomers or Xers or Millenials or whoever else might be reading this.  When you're 70, I guarantee that you'll have deep-set ways of thinking that will by then be classified as some kind of mortifying "-ism." And if you're a major national politician whose every utterance is carefully scrutinized, you will occasionally reveal one of these thought-patterns and be embarrassed by it.  Again, that's just how it is, and there's no use pretending otherwise.

Variations On A Theme

The crazy bitches, they will ruin you.  Ruin you, I say!

The Things That Upset Lefties

Rick Reilly has something to say about the dangerous and insensitive messages sent to young people by famous college football players.  Is he worried about poor sportsmanship?  Thuggery? General stupidity?  None of the above.  The real scourge here is Tim Tebow's Christianity (you have to scroll down to the entry dated 30 December 09):

This is wholesale proselytizing, for better or worse, to say nothing of a violation of the separation of the church and state -- Florida being a public university. You have to feel for the Jewish kid or the atheist kid or the Muslim kid who loves Tebow but didn't realize his fanship would involve a pitch to convert to Christianity.

Yeah, my heart breaks for that kid.  He'd be so much better off idolizing Michael Vick.

Crucial Distinctions

David Brooks:

The tea party movement is a large, fractious confederation of Americans who are defined by what they are against. They are against the concentrated power of the educated class. They believe big government, big business, big media and the affluent professionals are merging to form self-serving oligarchy — with bloated government, unsustainable deficits, high taxes and intrusive regulation.

There is a difference between believing and knowing, Mr. Brooks.